The 10 Fundamentals of Getting Girls Without Trying Too Hard

Getting girls isn’t as hard as you might think.

When you believe getting a girl is hard, you’re basically setting the difficulty level to hell mode on the first try. This can make the whole thing feel impossible.

So it’s key that you change your belief. Stop telling yourself that getting a girl is hard. Don’t even think in that direction. That’s a losing position and mindset.

All the attract women tips on the whole wide web won’t do you any good if you’ve already convinced yourself that you’re going to fail and closed yourself to the idea. Why not open yourself to the possibilities instead?

Are you up to it? Good!

If you want to get girls to want and like you, here’s a list of the most important things you can do today to attract girls fast.

Start with yourself.

If you want to date girls, you need to be someone girls want to be around. Basically a catch. So start with the basics and build a solid foundation. In getting girls, your lifestyle does half the work. When you live a life you enjoy, you become attractive by default. Girls are naturally drawn to you and remain interested when you have a strong foundation. If you want to be more interesting, have confidence and interest in your own life. Working on yourself pays dividends later because the more you invest in yourself, the more attractive you become. You need to look like you take care of yourself, have a sense of purpose that lights you up, and be unshaken by external outcomes. Have visible standards, be willing to disagree, and be slightly polarizing. Needy energy leaks even when you try to hide it.

To get girls, meet girls.

Don’t rely on a single way of meeting girls. Use every channel you have. Meet them through your day-to-day life, friends, social events, and even dating apps. Don’t limit yourself to just meeting pretty girls either. Be open to making friends with everyone. You never know who your new friend might introduce you to. Put yourself in situations or places where you’ll meet girls naturally. Best if you can have preselection built-in. That is where you’re seen as someone other girls already like and enjoy being around. Being seen with cool friends works just as well in getting you girls. So expand your network, stay open, and let opportunities come from all directions.

Go, approach girls.

Don’t just stand there staring at her overthinking what to say until she passes by and walks away. You need to get over that initial approach anxiety. Or any fear of rejection you may have. Walk up to her, get her attention, and say something simple. A smile and a friendly “hi” is all you need to break the ice.

Talk to girls.

Start a low-stakes, casual conversation about anything. Notice and comment about the book she’s reading, the oddball on the street, and yes, even the great weather you’re currently having. It’s pouring, by the way. True romance lives in the moment when you share a simple, honest conversation with somebody who wants to be there with you. So if you can engage in a relaxed conversation with any girl, you can get girls. No need to memorize the perfect lines to say. Because once you can start conversations comfortably, everything that follows becomes much easier. You can learn her story, find out if you’re compatible, and move things forward like it’s only natural. You do need to talk in an interesting, engaging way. Keep improving your conversational skills. In the meantime, talk like a normal person without trying too hard to make an impression.

Get curious about her.

You want to get her talking about herself as much as possible. You can do that by being genuinely interested in her. Listen actively and ask deeper follow-up questions about topics that invite personal stories. But don’t go too deep or heavy too soon. You’re not there for therapy. Mix it up.

Flirt with girls.

Banter. Poke fun. Tease. They help you build rapport and chemistry, move past boring, purely informational talk, and break up a flat conversation. When you mix in humor with a bit of mild teasing, you can have a relaxing and playful chat with any girl. But flirting lets you add romantic or sexual intent to that chemistry. It also lets you test the waters before you dive in. If you want to flirt with girls without fear, it comes down to enjoying the interaction without trying to get a reaction. Having a sense of humor really, really helps, too. I mean, it really doesn’t hurt to have a bit of a funny bone. Otherwise, gasp loudly, snap one hand to your chest, and widen your eyes in utter disbelief if you are caught without a quick comeback.

Read her non-verbal signals.

You must be able to tell if a girl wants you to keep talking to her and is starting to like you or is just being polite. That’s where these signs she’s interested come in. So pay attention to her cues. Notice her body language, how engaged she is in the conversation, and whether she asks you questions or responds enthusiastically. Girls who like you will lean in and find reasons to keep the conversation going; those who don’t will filter themselves out.

View rejection as a filter, not a failure.

Not every conversation will lead somewhere, and you will not get every girl you meet. Accepting that makes your interactions easier and less stressful. Furthermore, a rejection stops you from wasting time on girls that were never meant for you and points you toward the right fit. So use it to clear away girls who aren’t a good match and quickly find the one who you’re compatible with. If it helps, you can treat getting girls as a numbers game since the more girls you meet, the higher your chance of finding a good match. Just don’t get obsessed with volume and don’t keep making the same mistakes. Volume isn’t a substitute for improving and learning from your interactions. The point is to go on more dates or conversations than average, so you can move on quickly and adjust.

Do these things well and you’ll become much better at getting girls, creating attraction, and finding someone who truly wants you.

Now. How do you get girls to want to be with you?

Get her contact info.

If you want to keep talking to her and you think she wants to keep talking to you, ask for her number or social media. A good time to do this is when the conversation hits a high point. Or… you’re talking about something that makes it expected to stay in touch. If you’re already talking about grabbing the best coffee in town, it’s only natural to get her number. Or… you could simply say you like talking to her and would love to see her again. Make it easy for her to give you her number. Hand her your unlocked phone with a blank new contact screen open and ask her to type it in. Call her right after she enters it. This saves her number in your phone right away and ensures she gets your correct caller ID. Alternatively, if she’s got some free time, invite her for some quick coffee or ice cream right there for an instant date.

Set up and go on dates with girls.

If you want to get girls, you have to meet her again in person so you can get to know her more and get things moving forward. Make it easy for her to say yes. Have a specific activity on a specific date and time ready and have alternatives in case she’s busy. Suggest a low-stakes idea like coffee, casual lunch, or take a walk in a botanical garden or scenic outdoor spot that makes it easy to run away or extend the date depending on how it goes. Be prepared for a lot of talking, asking each other questions, and checking your mutual vibe and good manners. Pay attention to her comfort levels before escalating or planning a second date.

Escalate physically.

Unless you want to “just be friends” with her, you have to escalate physically. As the conversation deepens and you get closer emotionally, you should also get closer physically. Just be aware that everyone gets comfortable with physical contact at their own pace. Some you can hug right away; others need time to feel safe. So  lead the interaction in a way that makes her comfortable, safe, and open to your touches. You can start with low-stakes, casual contact. If you’re getting mostly green lights, you can move to more intimate touches like playfully adjusting her hair or holding a lingering gaze up close before going for the kiss.

Invite her over to your place.

When you feel she’s ready, ask her if she wants to continue at your place. That way you get to know her deeper where you’re more comfortable and without anyone else around. To make transitioning to your place simpler and more natural, meet her at a fun spot a short walk or drive from your house. You don’t have to wait to move things forward if you can do it after the first date.

Close the deal.

You’ve gotten to know her, shared a great experience together, and brought her home… It’s time to make your move. So unless she changes her mind, it’s okay to express your desire honestly and take the next step.

Getting a girl isn’t about finding a magic line or learning some secret trick. It means making her feel the right things  — comfort, curiosity, playfulness, and romantic tension — at the right times.

It’s about becoming someone people enjoy being around, putting yourself in situations where you can meet women, knowing how to create a connection, and having the courage to move things forward, and… accepting that sometimes there’s no chemistry.

You do not need to make every woman like you. Just become socially good enough to meet girls you like and see which ones like you back.

Getting girls becomes easier when you treat it like a social skill you can practice.