
If you’re reading this, I’m assuming you’re attractive, kind, make people laugh without trying, can parallel park confidently, and can cook something that isn’t cereal.
People tend to assume you’re mysterious because you’re quiet and have that thoughtful expression like you’re contemplating the Dao De Jing; you’re actually wondering if your laundry detergent is causing that itching. When you make self-deprecating jokes, they somehow come across as deep.
I’m assuming these things don’t bother you that much, but the following does:
Every group hangout results in someone’s friend asking for your number. Then you hear her Spotify playlist is named after you.
You open a door for a woman, and suddenly there’s a handwritten note in your left jacket pocket about your kind eyes and the “way you exist.”
You smile at a girl and the next thing you know she’s planning your wedding in her Notes app.




