Even if you are not actually desperate, you want to avoid looking desperate. Why?
For one, it will not help in attracting any girl.
In fact, any guy acting desperate makes him more like a creep, and most women won’t want to be near that kind of guy.
If someone’s vibe is creepy or makes women uncomfortable or anxious for seemingly no reason, he will raise alarm bells ringing through her gut, and promptly avoid him.
Some women’s creepy guy radar is sensitive and easily triggered.
So if some guy gets identified as a creepy guy, she goes on high alert, her shields go up, and swords are drawn.
You can’t blame her.
It’s a woman’s natural reaction to feel safe and comfortable.
That’s why you don’t want to appear desperate to a woman at any given time.
And although you don’t have to be desperate to be creepy — some guys are just creepy — you don’t want either to be associated with you…
Because it just ain’t attractive!
Anyway, to know what behaviors and habits you should avert to avoid looking desperate, it’s necessary to understand a bit better where desperation comes from and what makes it a danger to yourself.
You see, desperation comes from (and is driven by) fear, the fear of ending up all alone and lonely, with very little hope of finding someone because of a self-imposed limiting belief.
Think of it like this: If you’ve been missing something from your life, there will be this great need to fill that void.
Like if you’ve been hungry for food. The longer it goes, fear starts to set in, the more desperate you become to fill your stomach.
And when desperation sets in — this urgent desire or need — that fear can lead to despair and hopelessness and then to rashness and recklessness.
In dating, the longer you live your life without a date, intimacy, or love, then the fear starts to build, and the more desperate you become.
Thinking that great dates are hard to find, as the months go by and the less you date, the more afraid you become of never finding someone, never getting married, or being alone until your hair turns gray.
If you are lonely and have been single for a long time, especially if you feel like you have no hope of ever finding a girl who will accept you, it can get easy to get clingy and desperate for any kind of attention or anyone that might show interest and just settle.
Having a very great need or wanting something too much and feeling like you have no hope, you might be willing to do anything to change your bad situation.
This is how most guys appear desperate to women:
By accepting the limiting belief that there are no good dates around and no girl in her right mind would like him because he lacks the confidence that he’s a valuable person deserving of a great woman.
As you know, desperation stems from a sense of lack or scarcity. And that desperation will drive someone to do these things.
Signs and Behavior That Can Make a Man Look Desperate
It will not be a pretty sight but someone desperate will do almost anything including and not limited to…
Embellishing The Truth
This is when you add extra details, especially ones that are not true.
If you think you won’t get her attention without embellishing the truth, so you lie about some things so you can impress her and you embellish your attributes to make it seem more impressive than it is to catch the attention of another.
For example, lying about occupation, salary or money, age, and relationship status is a desperate attempt at manipulating how she sees you.
You own an expensive suit. You say you have three. Even though you’ve only been to Dubai twice, but you make it six times in conversations. You talk about the places you visited although you may have only visited less than half.
To have anyone keep listening, you will fascinate them with your achievements, the things you succeeded when you were younger. You talk with pride about how much you earn, where you dine, what you buy, and where you holiday just so you can talk more about how brilliant you are.
When you use made up boasts to make you more attractive so you can draw other people to you, you are getting desperate.
Being Always Available
Showing that you are always available at the drop of a hat will make it seem that you do not have much of a life.
Being willing to immediately accept a last-minute invitation to accommodate someone’s schedule can make your life look empty and therefore have people thinking you’re lonely and desperate.
Whenever she asks you or wants something, saying yes is your natural response.
You initiate most of your text conversations, asking too many things multiple times a day and you immediately reply to any call or text.
Women are attracted to men who are desired by other women. If you always say you’re not busy, even though you have something going on, she’ll wonder whether you’re being taken for granted.
When it comes to availability, less is usually more. Because when you’re too available, you will not only seem desperate, but uninteresting and bland.
And when you’re too available, you can get clingy, try too hard, text too much, and you make her the center of your life too fast.
Being Clingy and Needy
You try to spend every single day with a new girl for weeks. When you try to move quickly with your frantic desire for a relationship, it’s a sign of desperation.
Even though there’s no set plan on a certain day, you block it off expecting her to be available.
You’re trying to figure out where she is all the time, who she’s with, and what she’s up to. And you’re bothered when she’s spending time with other people.
When someone is desperate, there’s this need to know everything.
You feel insecure and worry that she may be pulling away because someone desperate is scared that he’s going to be dumped. And since he believes there are few good women out there, and if he loses this one, he will be crushed.
Dropping Their Friends
Someone desperate may focus the entirety of his attention on the object of their affections and all the other relationships in his life start to suffer.
In short, if you need a relationship, then nothing is going to stand in the way.
You cancel plans with your friends just because there’s a chance you may have lunch with a girl.
Just know that for the girl, dating a guy who puts their entire life on hold for her is creepy. It can be a lot of pressure being the center of someone’s universe which shows when you are…
Texting Too Much
If you want to let someone know you’re desperate, one of the best ways to do it is to overly call, email, or send text messages.
You’re sending messages like “good morning, good night, how was your day” all the time, even when she hasn’t returned any of your messages.
You text when you have nothing to say just to get that validation that someone still likes you.
You call calling her and asking “Did you just call me?” after receiving a call from an unrecognized number.
Trying Too Hard
Agreeing too quickly, readily, and too often is a clear sign that you’re over-eager to please.
Or trying too hard to be someone that you are not just to make someone feel good.
If a man is too nice, too accommodating, and wants to be the most giving person to a woman only show how willing he is to do backflips just to be with someone.
If you are desperate, your only way to be in a relationship is to settle for less and you drop your standards to fill the huge emotional void in your life.
So to avoid being alone, you will date any girl you have available.
For the desperate man, any woman who shows interests and who you think is attainable is fine just for the sake of being attached, regardless of what her personality is like.
Then if she does or says something, you won’t be able to tell your friends because you know how it sounds and you leave things out to not make her sound bad.
You’re desperate when you sacrifice self-respect for the opportunity to not be alone.
Rationalizing Poor Treatment
When you are desperate for love, you’ll ignore the abuse, accept mistreatment, and excuse it. No matter how outlandish the scenario, there is always a good explanation.
If you’re afraid that saying no or disagreeing or when you let anyone reschedule things at the last minute without fuss and you don’t mind the random shift in plans.
Accepting cancellations or rain checks without objection is a sign you constantly go out of your way to make dating you convenient.
When you accept bad behavior that you would never accept from a friend, often you don’t even notice it because that would mean the first step to walking away.
How to Stop Looking Desperate
If you want to regain control of your life, you’ll need a strong level of commitment, support from others, and making lifestyle changes.
Anxiety ensues and desperation settles in when we feel like we need a solution quickly.
The trick of fear is that it distorts reality.
Don’t look at others for the solution; the answer is within yourself.
You are the solution.
What you can do is start doing the opposites of the above behaviors. That means maintaining your standards and surrounding yourself with people who will help you make good decisions.
You don’t have to please others to be in a relationship or tolerate any poor treatment either.
Try to have a life and have more going on so you don’t seem too available. It’s alright to not be available for same-day or last minutes requests.
Accept there is abundance and be willing to walk away. Or try to make her chase.
Remember: Someone who is desperate has a strong want and desire to have a relationship is overeager, anxious, and willing to be with any woman to avoid being alone.
Unaware that doing so is cutting his chances of getting any girl attracted to him.
Avoid looking desperate so you don’t lose a potential date or serious relationship before it even starts.
Instead, you want to appear assured and confident by following what you read here and by being mindful of yourself.
- 8 Mistakes to Avoid When Complimenting a Girl Over Text - January 29, 2024
- How to Respond When a Girl Texts ‘Hi’ - January 2, 2024
- How to Practice Talking to Women If You’re Shy - October 5, 2023