Silence is golden!
Why then can it become awkward when it is often wise to say nothing?
Well, it’s not actually the silence that makes things awkward, but the tension and uncertainty created by that silence.
When you suddenly don’t know what to do, and it becomes preferable to say something than nothing.
Because when we’re accustomed to filling every second with noise, it is expected the void created by this silence be filled.
For example, when you talk to a woman and everything seems to be going great then, suddenly, you run out of things to say and the conversation gets stuck.
No one is speaking.
It doesn’t feel right
You get that nervous feeling at the bottom of your throat.
Your mind goes blank. You forget about what you’ve been talking about or doing.
It’s like your mind has abandoned you and you’re not sure when it’ll come back.
You feel all alone, you try to avoid eye contact but you can see her waiting for you to say something.
You find yourself desperately scrambling for something interesting, something clever to say which of course, often just makes things worse.
The more you think, the longer the silence goes, and the more uncomfortable you feel.
Even though the silence may only last a few seconds, to you, it seems like the longest few seconds you’ve ever experienced.
Tension has been created and you feel something needs to be done quickly
You see, awkward silence is just like that, ready to jump into your interaction at the first sign of a pause in the talk, a joke that falls flat, or a poorly delivered comment.
It is easy to get into an awkward silence and it makes social interaction less desirable and more difficult, especially when both you and the woman are a little unsure of yourselves. After all, you don’t really know one another.
This is often the case on first dates especially when you’re nervous and don’t exactly know what to talk about. You do not know where to begin hence you end up in silence.
Every second that tickles only increases the tension
And you know what? This may be one of the reasons why some men don’t usually like getting into random conversations with women.
How well you recover from this hump in the conversation pretty much dictates what her impression of you is and what happens to your conversation–whether it fizzles out or a spark ignites it a new life.
If you want to get a better handle on situations like these and avoid the awkward silence and the tension it accompanies…
You need to act quickly
You have to take action before the tension gets a chance to take hold and your chance to recover dwindles.
So, you should quickly do one of the following:
Do Something Else
One of the best ways to avoid tension from building up is just to … do something different.
As soon as you feel the tension coming, you do something completely different.
For instance, you’ve been talking to a girl for some time and the conversation is starting to get a little too hard.
Hold out your hand and guide her over to your friends and introduce her or lead her over to the jukebox or move somewhere and change the environment around you.
Whatever it is you do, you make it different to what you’ve just been doing.
This reignites the conversation and kills the tension before it gets a chance to take hold.
Snap Out of It
Say something or get excited about something.
For example, you snap your fingers and say “Oh!” like you’ve remembered something you want to tell her.
Maybe you’ve just remembered a personality test you want to do on her, a TV show you want to tell her about, or where you’ve seen her before.
It doesn’t matter what it is, just say it.
You can also spontaneously comment on something you see like what she’s wearing, a unique piece of accessory, the crowded place you’re in, the people around you, or just your observations on your surroundings.
Be genuinely interested and curious about who she is.
Ask the girl about things you are genuinely interested in knowing about her.
Ask questions that require detailed answers and get to know her interests.
Find out what she was like as a kid? What excites her? What motivates her? What and who is most important in her life and why? Where did they go to college? How many are they in their family?
These kinds of questions can keep the fire in a conversation burning for a while.
Although you can use a few simple questions or a few topics to fill the silence, being genuinely interested in her will keep her from getting bored.
Embrace the Silence
And most importantly, don’t put pressure on yourself to keep the conversation going.
Just relax and embrace it because it’s completely normal for a conversation to have pauses and silences.
Moreover, sometimes the best parts of a conversation are these moments of silence when nothing is said.
You don’t have to see it as your job to relieve that tension, either.
In fact, because women are attracted to men who can stay strong in tensed situations, your ability to handle the tension is going to help you in getting her even more interested.
And, if you don’t want it being an empty moment, you can fill it with a smile.
Look into her eyes and slowly smile like you’ve noticed something about her and liked it.
You can use moments like these to make her more attracted to you by remaining confident.
And if you can relax and wait for a minute, she will eventually ask you something.
So don’t a big deal out of it if you don’t want to magnify the tension. Trying to fight that tension usually just makes it worse.
Everyone struggles with awkward silences on occasion.
If you want to eliminate your fear of silent moments and embrace them to your advantage or prevent any awkwardness from creeping into the conversation…
Learn to improve your small talk and get skilled at attracting women.