Sure. Walking up to a girl and starting a conversation with her can be very uncomfortable, daunting, even scary.
Just the thought of it can trigger flight or fight response if you haven’t done it before.
But once you’ve done it enough, you’ll be like a fish in the sea.
Why is approaching women one of the biggest fears most guys have when it comes to interacting with women?
Well, aside from the fact that approaching a girl takes quite a large investment and a fair amount of risk…
Here are some of the reasons most men have trouble approaching and talking to a beautiful dame:
First of all, most guys have this fear of immediately getting shot down, getting rejected and being made a fool of by the girl they want to approach. They immediately think… the worst thing will happen even before the actual approach happen.
And even if they successfully initiated a conversation, some worry that after the initial conversation, or a few minutes into the conversation, they’ll lose their confidence and ruin the interaction.
On the other hand, there are those who know the stages of attraction. They look ahead to the other stages and worry about them. They worry about how hard it is to keep the conversation going, how tricky it will be to close and get the girl’s number or a date.
Then there are those guys who think the girl they want to approach will think they’re trying to ‘pick her up’ and will be unenthusiastic about having a normal, fun conversation.
Some care too much about what other guys, who are around the vicinity of the girl they’re interested in, will think when they approach and talk to her.
There are others, of course but, they fall into similar categories.
But have you noticed something?
Most of these things happen inside their head and they haven’t actually happened yet.
They worry and focus too much on the outcome.
So, what do you do?
Here’s what: The first thing you need to do to conquer any fear of approaching women is… forget about attracting women. Huh?
Here’s what I mean:
When you think about the outcome of the approach, you overload your brain with a mass of obstacles, problems, and difficulties. And when you cast your attention too far into the future, it makes approaching and talking with a girl seem much harder than it really is.
So instead of doing that, just let the interaction take on an organic, free-flowing nature. Don’t actively think about how you’re going to get her number or what you’re going to talk about in an hour’s time.
Think of it like this: If you’re able to have a fun, lively conversation with your male friends, you can do the same with an attractive woman. You just need to be laid back and unconcerned with the outcome of your conversation.
Just this one thing alone will help you approach and start talking to women confidently and effectively.
Another favorite solution to snuff out these pre-approach thoughts is the “3-second rule” where you approach in the first three seconds as soon as you see a girl you’re interested in. Since you have a time limit, you won’t have time to think about the outcome of the interaction.
Of course, not every girl your approach will be enthusiastic to talk to you. But the worst case scenario will never ever be as bad as you might imagine because most girls are nice and friendly.
If a girl doesn’t seem to want to talk, fine. You’re free to simply move on and talk to someone else. Stay friendly and sociable and the girls who don’t want to talk will come off badly and unfriendly.
Women have no problem talking to guys they don’t know if they are friendly, confident and interesting.
Just keep this in the forefront of your mind: “I’m going to start and maintain a fun and interesting conversation with this girl.”
Girls will sense this and like it.
As you know. women usually don’t approach men.
They don’t make the first move because they don’t need to. They know men will do it. (That’s the gender roles at play as mentioned in The Tao of Badass.)
And when it happens in a positive and attractive way, they enjoy and appreciate it.
Don’t let not being able to approach keep you from meeting amazing women.
Being able to approach a girl and talk to a girl in bars, coffee shops, the street, or wherever you are, is a worthwhile skill to have but, if you think cold approaching women is not for you, don’t let this stop you from having an enjoyable and abundant social life.
Treat being able to approach women one of your minor skills and don’t think that you need to master it to develop a richly rewarding social life.
Don’t let it block you from getting what you want if you don’t want to spend your days hitting on people in bars and coffee shops because there are other ways to meet women.
While that may be the case for approaching, it’s a must to…
develop an unshakable confidence.
As you may obviously know, you need the confidence to approach, to talk to women naturally, and to do anything in life well and succeed.
If you think you need to improve confidence, approaching women is a good exercise to thoroughly expand your comfort zone.
And if you want to start right and develop your confidence from the ground up…
The Collection of Confidence uses a simple 5-step process to eliminate all rejection from your life, stop worrying about what other people think, and get everything you want in life. The last exercise will probably have a profound impact in your life.